I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I understand Curling. That high.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
