All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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