Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
