Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
