What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize