my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
