I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
