and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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