Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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