Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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