you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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