maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
