Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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