So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
