You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
