someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
