how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize