I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
This girl is more easily done than said...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
