You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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