I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
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