I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
