he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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