Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
