Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
