Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Randomize
