Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
