I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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