i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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