you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
