I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
