I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
