ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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