Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
where are you?
Hypothermia
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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