Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
