strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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