No, drunk sperm still make babies.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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