Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
