but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
