just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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