So drunk its hurt
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
