yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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