you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
