doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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