He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
