We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
