He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
