i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
