Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
