Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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