The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize