so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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