Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
