i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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