He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
