so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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