Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
