i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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