i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
