i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
