Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
