jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
