So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
