May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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